Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Randomize
