I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
