So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
