this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I think my moral compass just broke
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