Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
