the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Randomize
