absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
