I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
How naked do you want me to be?
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
