her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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