I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
