you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Randomize
