please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Randomize
