Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
