Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
