I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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