As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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