I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
