All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
