Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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