you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
No subtext here. People are naked.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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