I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
