I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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