That's intense
I hate all girls vehemently.
another moral hangover. fuck.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
