How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
i would one night stand the shit outta him
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You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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