sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
