the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
