Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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