Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
