dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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