She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
