i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
