I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Randomize
