Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Randomize
