You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
