He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
