Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
