that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
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