You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
