he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
