Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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