I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
