I can text with my tongue
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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