3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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