You just made me feel so damn special
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
i want to swaddle you in tequila
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
