if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
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