I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Randomize
