I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
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