I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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