I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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