I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
