I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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