told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Watching her eat just hurts me
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
