she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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