I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
