So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I wanna passion pit in your ass
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
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