You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Randomize
