please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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