dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
