I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Randomize