Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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