that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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