i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
