I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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