My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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