I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
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I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
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Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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