I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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