How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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