margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Randomize
