Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
