I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
