I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
