It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
