garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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