he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
