Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
