Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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