Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
