Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Randomize
