Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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