dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
only if we run a train.
done.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
