So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
