But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
