in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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