I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I should be sponsored by Trojan
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Randomize
