when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
