i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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