I think my vagina is haunted
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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