Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
