but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
