When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
