I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
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You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
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I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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