I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
