I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Sorry about my life...
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
